I Retired From Football Broken: How Routine and Purpose Helped Me Find Myself

I'm going to talk about one of the hardest chapters of my life and what helped me through it. This episode was recorded at Rez Camp Performance with my co-host Kenny, and it's the most personal story I've shared on the show.

Retiring on the podcast

I retired on the show, and nobody knew I was going to do it. I cried, and the emotion was real. As I left, my phone rang. It was Duke Greco, now the West Chester head coach, saying, "I need you a part of this team, this coaching staff."

I told him I was too emotional to make a decision. I let it marinate, then talked it through with Kenny, who told me: "You better take that."

Why the title mattered

The role is player development, and the title meant everything to me. "I'm not chasing coaching. I'm not chasing being a receiver coach." A position coach only works with one group, while player development lets me connect with every position. I called Connor Barwin about how the Eagles run their program. I saw this as something I could tie to the podcast and to Rez Camp Performance.

There's a personal reason too. As a kid I wanted a mentor who could relate to me. "I'm going to be the guy that can connect the dots with everybody from every culture, from every race."

Letting go was the hard part

I was honest with Kenny that I wasn't ready for the news to go public. "I was still trying to let go of football... it's a big thing. That means you're closing all other chapters of your old life. And I think that sometimes we get scared of who we're destined to be."

My first day, I was nervous about running the warm-up. But I say this often: "You got to mess it up to get it right anyway." My job is to connect players and coaches, take weight off the head coach, and read body language and energy the way only someone who played can.

Losing myself, and getting a routine back

This is the part I most want you to hear. "I felt like I was losing myself. Because I remember who I used to be. And I had to remember that I'm not who I used to be. I'm this person who I'm becoming. So what are you going to do now?"

What helped was routine: coaching classes, training clients, running the hills at dawn. If you're a player going through retirement, here is my advice: "Get yourself back into a routine. Find a routine that works for you. Because it is hard."

Culture at Rez Camp

Kenny talked about what makes Rez Camp different. Exercises are the same everywhere. "What separates you or the spot you're training at is the culture." He described a community where a squat is a squat, but everyone gets pushed like an athlete. And his advice to newcomers: "It's okay to be scared... You just got to start."

If this is you

If you're leaving the game, or any chapter, and you feel lost, please don't go through it alone. Talk to someone you trust and build a daily structure. If you're in a very dark place, contact your local crisis line.

Watch the full 30-minute episode above. Subscribe to The Keep Going Podcast, and keep going.